Breaking up with someone is always going to be painful. One or both parties are sure to have their feelings hurt, and likely even have their heartbroken. Many people actually stay in relationships that they know are over just to spare the other person’s feelings. While this is a natural human instinct, you should resist doing this, as it just prolongs the pain, and makes things even harder for all involved.

Here are some tips to help you end a relationship in a kind and compassionate way.

• Do it soon – End things as soon as you know the relationship is over so that you and your ex can both start healing and move on.
• Break up with them in person – Even though you might want to avoid the awkwardness of a meeting, breaking up by text or over the phone is cruel.
• Don’t break up in a public place – Unless you are fearful for your safety, do your ex the service of ending things in a private place.
• Be honest – The old ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ may seem kind at the time, but you’ll hurt their feelings even more if you ignore the real issues involved.
• Be clear and firm – Don’t be vague or wishy-washy about your decision, or leave them with a false hope that you might change your mind.
• Realise that you might not be able to be friends – Yes, it is great to maintain a friendship with an ex, but remember that this isn’t always possible. You have to leave that decision to them, and it might take time.
• Don’t have break up sex – Sure, it’s a common trope, but you should resist the urge to have break up sex, which will only make things more messy and painful.

While you might not be able to stop the heartache of a breakup, following the tips above will help you to end things in the nicest way possible.