Up and down the country and across the world, marriages are formed, and marriages are broken. It’s a sad fact, but it remains a fact nonetheless – an estimated 42% of all marriages end in divorce here in the UK.
Even with those high numbers, going through a divorce can feel like a tremendously lonely and isolating experience and one which can take a number of years to truly come to terms with.
Finding yourself single over 40 can be a shock, and though many of us are keen to move on with our lives and give love another shot, some of us simply don’t know how.
That’s why we’ve decided to put together this guide on how to recover from your device, complete with a healthy dose of our own life experiences. Let’s get started.
Clear your mind of toxicity
Before marriages die, they’re poisoned. It could be because of infidelity, it could be because of boredom or it could be any number of reasons, but the truth is that many of us leave our marriages with toxicity in our hearts.
Anger, distrust, hatred, shock, sadness, loneliness and confusion are all common side-effects of the divorce process, but you need to release those emotions and prepare yourself for a new relationship.
That’s not to say you should ignore them, but you need to give yourself the time and space to really process those feelings. On the other side of that pain is a better you, one properly equipped to move on and make a better relationship.
Don’t waste time over your regrets
Hindsight is 20/20, but remember that what you did in the past you did because you thought it was the right thing to do. Time has a way of proving us wrong on some things, but it’s important that you don’t get mired down in the decisions of your past.
You may regard your marriage as a waste of time at the moment, but there’s a high likelihood that it’s exactly what you wanted at some point in your life – embrace your decisions and learn from them, rather than fixating upon them.
Talk to somebody
Because of the shame many recently divorced over-40s feel, there’s often a tendency not to talk to friends or family about what you’re going through.
Inevitably, this results in the internalisation of your issues and a build-up of resentment over your last relationship. Needless to say, we can’t recommend this.
Even if you’re just talking the ear off a friend over a cup of coffee, it’s better than sitting and stewing alone. Don’t let yourself feel isolated and don’t make the mistake of believing that you’re alone and that nobody cares. The people around you love and care for you, and they’d be more than comfortable listening to your problems.
Often it’s helpful just to get your thoughts out of your head and into the world, even if you’re just talking to your dog.