As over 50 daters, we’re all prone to a lack of physical confidence. We’re no longer as young as we once were, no longer as in touch with the style of the day and no longer as vibrantly confident about our appearance. Often, we’re told that looks don’t matter. Well, it’s time to be honest with ourselves; they do matter.
Looks matter in the dating game and never more so that in the media-savvy world we live in today. It maybe be unfair, we may hate it, but it is true. Image is king and speaks volumes about who we are. From the clothes we wear to the places we eat and drink to the places we decide to inhabit, people notice what we do and make judgements as to who we are by how we look – but that’s nothing to be afraid of.
The very first facet of our self-image is our presentation to others and this is initially portrayed through the way we look. Now I think it’s fair to say that most people don’t have a fabulous self-image. We all know people who love themselves but generally, though we may like ourselves, we don’t love everything about us. We may not like our noise, the shape of our face, our hair, the way our skin has given way to wrinkles. Maybe our butt is too big or we could do with losing some weight. But whatever it is, there will always be something that could be bettered. Just look at the way people who have had a lot of cosmetic surgery still manage to complain. Well I am sorry guys, but perfection is somewhat elusive.
The basis of any courtship, date or relationship is basic physical attraction. If you are not attracted to someone and they are not attracted to you, you have just become friends. Whatever happens afterwards, it is likely to stay that way. You both must be physically attracted on some level to make things work. Yes, spiritual attraction, deep respect and friendship all do play a part in the longer term but in the first few minutes of meeting we instantly recognize whether there is an attraction and chemistry present between us.
These basic signals dilate pupils, redden the skin, wet the lips and arouse base human instincts. That desire is to lead to the wish to have sex. The issue is that these signals are being eroded by well-meaning campaigners who say that looks should not matter. I am not really very good looking in my own opinion but I do know what I look like. And I do know who and what I am attracted to. I am sometimes called shallow because I go for a certain look for my dates. But the point is that these looks are what I find attractive and I tend to go for people who go for my kind of looks, thus increasing the chance of dating success.
Initial dates are all about looks, about who and what we find attractive and we are foolish if we try and suppress these desires. If you like someone’s hair, eyes, lips, the way they play with their fingers, the way they hold a glass or the way they walk then this is all on purpose. It is all part of the grander plan of matching like with like. By matching couples who are physically attracted, it is nature’s way of pairing off.
So, should you be worried? The answer, of course, is no. Whilst we may not find our own looks appealing, there are countless people out there who do. Taste is an intensely personal thing which no two people experience alike, so whilst looks do count, it doesn’t mean that yours are any less appealing.